Last Week’s News

First let me start this with the news that things are going well. In the past week I…

1) …learned I’m not allergic to bees. My best friend keeps bees in his backyard (honey harvesting) and while we’ve never been attacked before, we went out to see them and they divebombed us. One got me in the forehead, one got *him* in the forehead, and another got him in the forearm. It was the first time I’ve ever been stung by a bee and I learned that I’m not allergic to them, based purely on the fact that I didn’t die.

2) …played on a playground for the first time in 15 years. My best friend’s sister’s kids were over and wanted to go play at the playground, so we took them and played tag. I discovered that my friend is just as fast as I am, but he’s not nearly as dextrous, and that when I ‘juke and jive’ ala Barry Sanders it’s enough to make my friend eat it hard on the gravel. Sorry dude.

3) …got bit by the car bug and am looking for a fun project car. I’m thinking a 1960’s MGB. Essentially, one of these…

It’s a little two door British roadster. I think it’d be a hell of a fun car to restore as there’s one nearby me for only $4000. It’s right hand drive, so it’d be trippy for other drivers, you don’t see them around, so they’d be unique, and I could actually wear a driving scarf and driving gloves without looking faggy. “Oh, it’s okay, he’s not gay, he’s just British.”

4) …bought a thesaurus. The first word I looked up in the thesaurus was the word ‘thesaurus.’ It said ‘You’re an asshole.’

5) …had another date with Michelle. It went okay, and we’re going to go hiking today (more about that soon). She talks a lot about her cats, which prompted me to illustrate with this graph.

I find there’s a direct correlation between how much I like someone and how interested I am in hearing about her cat. The more I like a girl, the more willing I am to hear about her cat. But let’s face it, at a certain point I don’t care how much I like you, I don’t want to hear about your damn cat anymore. Your cat doesn’t even like me. When you leave the room, I try to get it.